My first story review for HellsingReviews
Nov. 29th, 2004 07:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zimon66Haven't posted said review yet over in ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
hellsingreviews because I like to write-up stuff first in my LJ (makes editing much easier) and this is my first fanfic review so kinda nervous about showing it to the others in there (yeah, I'm asking for feedback - LOL!!!).
This is the Hellsing fanfic that I posted on before and had total fits over. It's one thing to rag on a story in a personal journal but quite another to do it in a community. So tried to keep the review mature and not make mean fun of the story. The goal is to do a honest positive/negative review, NOT to rip-apart somebody's feelings.
Due to not having a fanfic account anywhere but on LJ, not able to leave a review link on the writer's MediaMiner account.
Title: What the hell
Author: Brina
Summary: Interesting things can only happen when Alucard is around. Epecially when hes the only one who can do them
Genres: Hentai
Rating: Rated Nc-17 for sex, language, and tentacles. (Also hellhounds).
Source: MediaMiner
Plot: Mary Sue vampire has wild kinky sex with her vamp-toy Alucard and looses her virginity to (that misspelling is done on purpose by me). Is also a "one-shot" yet there's a "Chapter One" title. The "Author's Notes" should be renamed "High School kid showing off wicked thoughts in public".
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: Overall (to me anyway) good but "too" is misspelled a few times as "to" as are a few other words (nothing major).
Originality: Alucard having wild kinky sex with somebody is nothing new - same goes with the use of tentacles and hellhounds. However, this is the first time I've seen it so poorly done. Reads like everything including the kitchen sink was tossed in and it all took place within 10 minutes.
Characterization: Alucard gets it the worst - he's written as a desperate-to-get-laid twisted horndog who's mentally one-step behind the Sue (who sleeps in HIS coffin???!!! Also has perky breasts and gets the last line at his expense). Integra, Seras, and Walter also OCC and they have non-speaking cameos. I honestly couldn't tell you if it's based off of the anime or the manga.
Entertainment: Depends, do you like erotica that makes you feel anything but turned-on? Do you like a Hellsing story that's all about a Sue? Do you like Alucard reading like a Halloween Special from the "Good Vibrations" catalog?
Canon: NO!!!
Flaws: BAD characterization, erotica that is clearly a one-person mastabatory fantasy (reads like something out of "Penthouse Forum" and that's NOT a good thing).
Strengths: Um......
Suggestions: Learn how to write IC ("In-Character"), keep to non-sexual plotlines (writing "adult" is VERY difficult, you have to be very familiar with the characters or it'll come out silly - again learn to write IC!!!), and loose the Sue (Use of MarySue = majority of Hellsing fans seeing you as a joke/not to be respected/hurting the fandom/selfcentered).
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!). Toxic!!!
Sample of the story: Went with something that shows where the story is going but doesn't have anything "adult" happening yet - Alucard walked in, closing the door behind him and took notice of who laid in his coffin. It had become a common thing after her change and the things that had happened to her after. He walked over to the coffin and looked down at the girl who slept while he removed his glasses, hat, and coat. As he watched her, he started to wonder if she had really ever slept in her coffin at all. To his knowledge, she was always here. It seemed she was always waiting for him. A smirk crossed his face as he noticed that her gown had already twisted itself tightly to her body.
He took a seat across from his bed and picked up a book and was about to read when thoughts began to pass through his evil, perversed mind. He glanced over to her. So sweet, so innocent so much like Seres in so many ways but one, following orders. Seres would not disobey her master's wishes but Siren would. For some reason, it had become almost a game to her to deny his wishes. But would she deny this one wish Alucard had running through his mind?
hellsingreviews because I like to write-up stuff first in my LJ (makes editing much easier) and this is my first fanfic review so kinda nervous about showing it to the others in there (yeah, I'm asking for feedback - LOL!!!). This is the Hellsing fanfic that I posted on before and had total fits over. It's one thing to rag on a story in a personal journal but quite another to do it in a community. So tried to keep the review mature and not make mean fun of the story. The goal is to do a honest positive/negative review, NOT to rip-apart somebody's feelings.
Due to not having a fanfic account anywhere but on LJ, not able to leave a review link on the writer's MediaMiner account.
Title: What the hell
Author: Brina
Summary: Interesting things can only happen when Alucard is around. Epecially when hes the only one who can do them
Genres: Hentai
Rating: Rated Nc-17 for sex, language, and tentacles. (Also hellhounds).
Source: MediaMiner
Plot: Mary Sue vampire has wild kinky sex with her vamp-toy Alucard and looses her virginity to (that misspelling is done on purpose by me). Is also a "one-shot" yet there's a "Chapter One" title. The "Author's Notes" should be renamed "High School kid showing off wicked thoughts in public".
Grammar, Style, Spelling and Punctuation: Overall (to me anyway) good but "too" is misspelled a few times as "to" as are a few other words (nothing major).
Originality: Alucard having wild kinky sex with somebody is nothing new - same goes with the use of tentacles and hellhounds. However, this is the first time I've seen it so poorly done. Reads like everything including the kitchen sink was tossed in and it all took place within 10 minutes.
Characterization: Alucard gets it the worst - he's written as a desperate-to-get-laid twisted horndog who's mentally one-step behind the Sue (who sleeps in HIS coffin???!!! Also has perky breasts and gets the last line at his expense). Integra, Seras, and Walter also OCC and they have non-speaking cameos. I honestly couldn't tell you if it's based off of the anime or the manga.
Entertainment: Depends, do you like erotica that makes you feel anything but turned-on? Do you like a Hellsing story that's all about a Sue? Do you like Alucard reading like a Halloween Special from the "Good Vibrations" catalog?
Canon: NO!!!
Flaws: BAD characterization, erotica that is clearly a one-person mastabatory fantasy (reads like something out of "Penthouse Forum" and that's NOT a good thing).
Strengths: Um......
Suggestions: Learn how to write IC ("In-Character"), keep to non-sexual plotlines (writing "adult" is VERY difficult, you have to be very familiar with the characters or it'll come out silly - again learn to write IC!!!), and loose the Sue (Use of MarySue = majority of Hellsing fans seeing you as a joke/not to be respected/hurting the fandom/selfcentered).
Overall rating: (Wow; Good; Promising; Bad; Toxic!). Toxic!!!
Sample of the story: Went with something that shows where the story is going but doesn't have anything "adult" happening yet - Alucard walked in, closing the door behind him and took notice of who laid in his coffin. It had become a common thing after her change and the things that had happened to her after. He walked over to the coffin and looked down at the girl who slept while he removed his glasses, hat, and coat. As he watched her, he started to wonder if she had really ever slept in her coffin at all. To his knowledge, she was always here. It seemed she was always waiting for him. A smirk crossed his face as he noticed that her gown had already twisted itself tightly to her body.
He took a seat across from his bed and picked up a book and was about to read when thoughts began to pass through his evil, perversed mind. He glanced over to her. So sweet, so innocent so much like Seres in so many ways but one, following orders. Seres would not disobey her master's wishes but Siren would. For some reason, it had become almost a game to her to deny his wishes. But would she deny this one wish Alucard had running through his mind?
