Valentine Brothers have been MARYSUED!!!

[zimon66]

"Hellsing2" - http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2178088/1/


I'm not happy about this!!!

A disturbing twist of fate, Luke&Yan got a MS before Pip did (OK there was a MS/Pip story in the works but the writer only got as far as the MS meeting up with "Uncle Walter" and that was several months ago. Lucky Pip she stopped writing - said MS by the way was refered to in the summary as a "OC (Original Character)". Yeah right 17 year old girl with purple hair, a weird French name, and recently lost her parents but thank goodness for "Uncle Walter" who was moving her into the Hellsing Mansion that is so OC *snort*

EDIT: In my rage forgot to mention both Alucard and Integra also suffer. Integra is killed-off in the first paragragh by Alucard and she ordered him to do it???!!! Why, to make way for the MarySue in the story who is going to be protected by Alucard as ordered by a dying Integra.

Gee isn't that swell, as if the MS and OCCness wasn't bad enough lets throw in a oh so dramatic death scene that ends with Integra's blood running red from a slit throat and her last words being about the MS *gags*

If there is a second chapter (and I hope not) I'm going to try and get this reviewed on Fics from Hell - The Hellsing Ficbitching Station because this is that BAD!!!


EDIT: I left a review expressing my displeasure. Should have copied it before sending to ff.net (reviews don't show until 24 hours later) to post here, but my memory is still fresh on it -

Usually I'm happy to see a Valentine Brothers story but not this one.

How dare you stick them with a MarySue!!! Do you hate them for some reason because using a MS in a fanfic only hurts/insults the existing characters.

How dare you call the MarySue an Original Character. MSs are not OCs, learn the difference!!!

Well, anyway, congradulations, you're the first fanfic writer to MarySue the Valentine Brothers - thanx a lot!!!

Comments

[wtfsad.livejournal.com]

You know, there was this girl that e-mailed me about a year ago about this fanfic she was writing... Her name was Marion Hellsing or whatever, and her character marries Jan and it made me sick. She wanted me to post it on my website. YEAH RIGHT.

[zimon66]

Well this little yo-yo (read her bio) is 16 and has a thing for Yan. he's already making eyes at the MarySue and Luke's all being "big-brotherly" to her.

Even worse, this girl says she saw the entire series but doesn't know if Yan is really dead or not - HELLO, HE SET HIMSELF ON FIRE AND BECAME A PILE OF ASHES IN FRONT OF INTEGRA!!!

Speaking of Integra, I forgot to mention during my rage, that she get's fucked over too by this writer in the same story. While in the tower, she orders Alucard to kill her (he's so nice, using a knife so as not to turn Integra into a vampire because she wouldn't want that) and take care of the precious litte MS.

Stupid rabidfangirls - always writing MarySues *spats*

[wtfsad.livejournal.com]

and Luke's all being "big-brotherly" to her.

Okay, that's SICK!!!

Even worse, this girl says she saw the entire series but doesn't know if Yan is really dead or not - HELLO, HE SET HIMSELF ON FIRE AND BECAME A PILE OF ASHES IN FRONT OF INTEGRA!!!

ROFL if she's such a fan, you'd think she'd at least know that he died! "OMG IS HE DEAD??? YOU KNOW BECAUSE SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE TO SET THEMSELVES ON FIRE AND BURN TO A CRISP FOR A HOBBY AND THEYRE ALIVE!" WTF?

he's so nice, using a knife so as not to turn Integra into a vampire because she wouldn't want that

... Was it a butter knife? WTF NO ... Okay, that is SO LAME. Why would Integral... WTF? Just WTF

[wtfsad.livejournal.com]

Okay... I read that fic, and it was... HORRIFUK! WWTFFFFFFFFFfFFFFLDlvmaLFKDLDSAMFLM!!!!!!!!!! ARGHFHHVLDMF!!!!!!!

[sensoo.livejournal.com]

Heh, she makes a snarky remark about not being able to figure out the "figure" and yet doesn't realize that Luke and Yan are DEAD.

ARGh.

[zimon66]

She doesn't know about setting things in "AU (Alternative Universe)" - in light of the MarySue, OOCness and Integra getting killed-off why am I not surprised.

Wonder how she's going to explain how Luke got away from Alucard. Or for that matter Yan getting away since he had a face full of bullets, both hands crushed, an arm missing, and set himself on fire.

I got a real bad feeling Seras is going to be her next victim:(

[danceswithelvis.livejournal.com]

Wow...now I fear. I mean, it's bad enough that Alucard gets Mary Sued into submission, but now...the Valentine brothers? Horrendously out of character Valentine brothers, at that. As Sad would say, WTF? Cause as we all know, Luke is the mother hen type to people not of his blood or Millenium...and Jan, he's a shy softie. You know. All talk and piercings until some sweet, young, and impossibly beautiful, Mary Sue shows up. Then it's time to flirt! Yay! *tries to quell her gag reflex*

Sheesh. All we need is a DBZ/Hellsing crossover WITH a Mary Sue. Then our fandom will be complete.

[danceswithelvis.livejournal.com]

I'd also like to know, what the hell is up with this? I've noticed a lot of authors (even some of my favorite ones) using this.

“Blah” – normal speech

‘Blah’ - thoughts

/blah/ - speech inside head from another being (most likely Alucard)



I mean, I've been reading for at least 23 of my 28 years, and I've yet to see an author put something like that in a prologue or "author's note." Maybe I'm just nitpicking or being cranky...but damn that annoys me so.

[rosehiptea.livejournal.com]

That's all over the place. I admit it's sometimes awkward to indicate thoughts, but authors manage, so deal. It is annoying as hell though.

(Not that I've ever made a fic mistake, mind you... but this one does annoy me.)

[danceswithelvis.livejournal.com]

Exactly. It just disturbs me to see this as the preface to a chapter. I look at it and just wonder what they were doing before they decided to follow that format. Well, maybe I don't want to know. My poor inebriated brain couldn't handle it.

[zimon66]

That is dumb - outloud conversation is in quotes, thoughts are witten in italic whether it's personal or telepathy.

Looks like she's too lazy to make the written effort to show when something is just a personal thought or a mental conversation. I've seen other writers do it, making the switch between personal to telepathy and back again, it's not that hard to do just takes a little time and care so the reader understands what's going on.

[rosehiptea.livejournal.com]

I really hate to tell you this, but I remember seeing a fic at aff.net where Integra had a daughter who was "in love" with Yan. I didn't read it, but I was always picturing dialogue like "My mom blew your face off but I think you're hawt!!111!!" (I know that's not how it happened in the manga, but bear with me...)

Seriously, though, sorry for the badfic. ><

There was also a Sue who turned Walter young. No, not like that, like back into his teens. I guess Sueing herself into Dawn would have meant research! If someone Sued Old Walter without making him a moron I'd probably applaud, but that's wrong of me.

[danceswithelvis.livejournal.com]

You've given me an evil plot bunny.



Sorry Zimon! I didn't mean to spam your LJ.

[zimon66]

As long as people are having fun, I don't mind it at all - spam to your little heart's content.

You wouldn't seriously do that to Walter would you???!!! The poor guy is already having headgames done on him by Major - LOL!!!

[zimon66]

I've poked around in aff.net a number of times before and never saw that one - maybe it got pulled?

She was the first person in ff.net to MS poor Luke&Yan, BUT it looks like due to unfavorable reviews she yanked the story:)

YEAH!!! I saved the Valentine Brothers from a fate worse than death by raising the alarm and getting the word out resulting in 24 hours after it was first posted the fanfic was GONE!!!

Now, we must protect Pip, he's next to get MSed.

[mercurychaos]

You should try and get it reviewed anyway... it was just that bad.
And I'm going to go drink heavily now.

[zimon66]

Well, it looks like she pulled the fic (THANK THE GODS!!!) probably due to myself and two others who left reviews expressing why we didn't like said fic.

Adult men talking like that to sixteen year old girls is VERY inaporpiate - the way she wrote them, Luke&Yan came across as sexual predators. Poor Luke got it the worse, he came across really creepy ("What a pretty girl" and "Oh he's just being friendly (Yan's foul-mouthed coming on to her - as if he'd really do that with jailbait or that Luke would let him act that way) and that combined with the big-brotherly manner just screamed "child molester".