ARGH, my eyes, my mind, oh the horror!!!

[zimon66]

First off, to all of you - Hello, how are you, if you haven't gotten a reply to any comments you've left in the last couple of posts it's because I hate your guts - LOL!!!

Nobody said only mr_mitts could show love via insults - LOL!!!

Seriously, I get sidetrack sometimes.

Anyway, on to far more and HORRIBLE things, like this damn Hellsing fanfic I made the terrible mistake of reading today.

I have read bad fanfics before, but NEVER anything that sucked so bad, yes I was saying "What the Hell" and that title suits it well. The dogs, tentcles and Alucard didn't deserve this, they should all pony-up with lawyers and sue for "extreme emotional distress caused by badly done erotica"

Even more shocking is that this "little talent" got this jazz past "FanFic.Net", for now. Ten bucks says as soon as ff.net gets wind of this story's plot - DELETE!!!

Read if you dare -
What the hell

Comments

[wtfsad.livejournal.com]

The dogs, tentcles and Alucard didn't deserve this, they should all pony-up with lawyers and sue for "extreme emotional distress caused by badly done erotica"

NO!

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!! NOT TENTACLES!!! ARGGHHHHH!!!! LKDSOFHSADOFHSAODHXVLKASFD!!!!!!

[zimon66]

Hey, there was a warning posted so not my fault for your reading it.

If there's anything scarier than this story, it's the one she did that is currently up to 18 Chapters that is also all about "Siren" (which is I do believe the name of it as well) aka "MARY SUE - KILL IT!!!", this one I didn't read because when I see a MS steer clear of the story, but did take the time to read the reviews most of which were from one person all positive (probably because she's a friend of the writer *rolls eyes*), the others all cried "MARY SUE" and "OOC" - which didn't stop her from writing *shudders*

[sensoo.livejournal.com]

She claimed Thess and Puck were just being mean. Ri~ight... Thess and Puck were picking on the poor gal 'cuz she's special. Real special. And if she keeps thinking that, maybe, just maybe it will come to be true.

And then I will choke to death on my tongue.

Oh the cruelty of the universe...

[zimon66]

Gah, after seeing Thess's review, makes me wonder just how bad that 18 chapter one is, not that I'm reading it mind you!!! Already made the mistake with the "WtH" and I use to enjoy beastility and tentcles, going to take me and the personal fantasies awhile to recover - LOL!!!


I'm so tempted to talk/blackmail mr_mitts into doing a review on this piece of crap but I fear it would curdle his brain into pudding.

[sensoo.livejournal.com]

I'm so tempted to talk/blackmail mr_mitts into doing a review on this piece of crap but I fear it would curdle his brain into pudding.

Hmm, he was rather crotchety today. I would like to see Mitts v. this WtH fic. They would probably destroy each other...

Well, there's an interesting experiment pertaining to the fabric of the universe...I could compare it to Alien v. Predator. Only Mittsy's kind of cool, and the fic is nothing but an abomination.

[mr-mitts.livejournal.com]

I'm so tempted to talk/blackmail mr_mitts into doing a review on this piece of crap but I fear it would curdle his brain into pudding.

Nothing defeats my sanity.

Only Mittsy's kind of cool, and the fic is nothing but an abomination.

<3zzz to u 2!!!!!

[zimon66]

It's pretty bad, might want to load-up on Jelly Babies before taking a look at it.

[sir-hellsing.livejournal.com]

Gah, after seeing Thess's review, makes me wonder just how bad that 18 chapter one is, not that I'm reading it mind you!!!

*is curled, trembling* Cannot speak.Siren.Will.Eat.Me.

VampireIntegral turned her, she's ALL evil. Siren killed vampireIntegral *eye roll*

[zimon66]

*to the others* WE'RE LOSING HER, GET THE PADDLES!!!

I'm seriously considering reporting her to ff.net for TOS violation. It's not fair to others who write adult fanfics and aren't allowed to post on there because of the "No NC-17" rule, meanwhile she's knowingly sneaking her fic onto the site.

[sir-hellsing.livejournal.com]

Report!

[wtfsad.livejournal.com]

I didn't read it!

Just... NO TENTACLES PLZ! ::slaps the author::

[zimon66]

Lucky you, wish I hadn't:( It was a HORRIBLE misuse of the usually most entertaining tentcles and dogs. She just couldn't leave it at Alucard, oh no let's let's throw in a few other things and make them unexciting too and spoil other people's fantasies.

ff.net is more than likely going to delete the story and probably (hopefully) her account as well because it is a TOS violation. They made it VERY clear not too long ago people MUST stick with the given ratings and MUST use the proper ones. She didn't do any of this, it's a "NC-17".

[xandria.livejournal.com]

OMG... did you read all of that? After being bored, I skimmed a bit more, discovered major OOCness and then when I felt the urge to retch I had to click away.

*toddles off to scrub brain*

[zimon66]

My brain started to short-out right about when the hellhounds (poor things) came into the picture, it's all just a bad dream after that.

The sex was so badly written, it should have been "exciting/turn-on/makes you wet" not "LOOK EVERYBODY I WROTE SOMETHING REALLY DIRTY!!!"

Cheap and childish!!!

[danceswithelvis.livejournal.com]

*eye twitch*

That was...sheesh...
Beastiality, tentacle rape, blood drinking...hell all it needed was Micheal Jackson and a nine year-old, and it would have had everything!

I need brain bleach and for that writer to format her computer and never write again. Ever. Not even for term papers.

[zimon66]

Tentacles are the easiest "odd erotic thing" to write about and yet she couldn't do it.

It's so sad when somebody screws-up on tentacles - LOL!!!

Did you notice how Alucard seem to do it all "within in 5 minutes" *shakes head* Poor Alucard.

[danceswithelvis.livejournal.com]

yeah, after a few hundred years of practice, you'd think he would last longer.

[reverendcharles.livejournal.com]

i don't care whether it's hellsing or whatever, i can count the good fanfic i've read on one hand. most people can't get into the spirit of someone else's story enough to write its tales properly. there are exceptions, of course.

[zimon66]

Gah, I can't believe you read this piece of garbage and lived to tell about it - LOL!!!

All I could think of after reading it was "Is this girl 13 years old?" because it's so badly done that it comes across "childish".

You'd think, somebody writing out their personal fantasy would take the time to work on it, but maybe mommy said she could be online for only 15 minutes.

[ko0lchiki.livejournal.com]

bwahahaha!
"story not found"

[lyakane.livejournal.com]

*sniffs* NOOOOOOOOOO...! I've arrived to late at the scene of the crime! Do any of the people who've read it still got the required command of their sight/hearing/speaking abilities to sum the badness up?

[danceswithelvis.livejournal.com]

Basically:

Siren: Me sleep.
Alucard: Me want to fuck you while in Hellhound form.
Siren: Me just want to get off.
Alucard: Me turn into tentacle monster and rape your ass.
Siren: ouch.


Reader: *cries*

[lyakane.livejournal.com]

*blinks* I think I've been mentally scarred for life.